This Week’s Menu: August 29 - September 4

Low Expectations, Plenty of Food

See How The Week Actually Went

This is the plan... We'll see if we actually stick to it or not.

Picture it: Saturday morning.

I slept in until 8:30 and woke up bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and ready to tackle the day. My sweet neighbor asked if she could tag along while I went grocery shopping. Because I am so very organized, I didn’t have a meal plan or grocery list ready. I quickly yelled down to the boys in the basement to ask what they wanted, dug through the freezer and pantry to see what we already had, and threw together something resembling a plan.

I’m still pretty sure I missed half the food hiding in our house, but whatever.

Here was the original plan:

• Saturday: Chicken Caesar tacos

• Sunday: Gravy—also known as spaghetti sauce

• Monday: Pizza

• Tuesday: Pork tenderloin and baked potatoes

• Wednesday: Pierogies

• Thursday: Fajitas

• Friday: Out

Off to Walmart I go, and they had almost nothing on my list besides the usual staples like milk, bread, and coffee. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but I still needed to visit Safeway or place an Amazon Fresh order because apparently my family expects to eat more than bread and drink coffee all week.

After grocery shopping, we spent the rest of Saturday moving our office from one location to another. By the time we finished, we were exhausted. There was no way on God’s green earth I was cooking anything, so we took the boys to a little diner. Everyone ordered some variation of steak and eggs except Joey, who chose steak and fries because:

“I just need carbs, Mom.”

Fair enough.

By Sunday morning, I said screw it and created an entirely new meal plan. I placed another grocery order for pickup, used all my coupons, and bragged to everyone about how much money I saved. I always find the best deals when I shop through the Safeway app. This week, just by shopping the sales and using the store coupons, I managed to get $100 worth of groceries for $37. HUGE WIN.

[safeway receipt]

Of course, while typing this, I remembered that we still have two pizzas in the refrigerator from moving. Those are officially Monday night’s dinner. The boys and I can throw slices on the pizza stone while we finish the weekend chores that got ignored, then collapse and do absolutely nothing for the rest of the night.

Here’s the new and hopefully final plan.

Sunday, August 30

Fajitas

Safeway had prepared, ready-to-cook fajitas included in its four-for-$20 sale. I bought three packages of fajitas and one four-pack of prepared burgers. We cooked two packages of fajitas, froze the third, and tossed the burgers in the freezer for later in the week.

I even made homemade queso because I foolishly believed the kids would eat it. They each had approximately four chips before announcing:

“Time for youth group! Byeeeee!”

And then they left without eating the fucking queso.

Monday, August 31

Leftover Pizza

This was originally going to be “ground beef—figure out something to make with it,” but the plan changed while I was writing the post. We’re eating leftover pizza from the move instead.

Minimal cooking. Minimal cleanup. Maximum chance of actually happening.

Tuesday, September 1

Gravy and Macaroni

The plan is to prep the gravy tonight, toss everything into the slow cooker tomorrow morning, and let it simmer all day. Anthony is more than capable of making the gravy himself. Will he actually do it? We’ll see. I have no hopes.

Wednesday, September 2

Leftovers

Calling this “leftovers” is optimistic because there is never any guarantee that food will survive long enough in this house to become leftovers. But if the gravy actually gets made, we should be able to boil a box of macaronis, or, even better, throw everything in the microwave, heat it up, and be happy.

The Backup Plan

I saw an Instagram video for some kind of ramen noodle dump dish. If there aren’t any leftovers, that’s what I’m making. I already have almost everything for it. I just need bok choy. I can totalllllly make the teenager run to Natural Grocers, grab some bok choy, chop that shit up, and toss this bitch in the oven.

Thursday, September 3

Burgers and French Fries

We’ll cook the frozen burgers either in the cast-iron skillet or on the grill.

I would also like to make fresh, homemade french fries. Those will probably become frozen fries depending on how the day goes, but at least I’m starting the week with ambition.

Friday, September 4

OUT!

That’s it. That’s the meal.

...and Then There Was the Cookie Situation

I also saw a video while mindlessly scrolling for a dessert from somewhere in Canada. Jordan the Stallion posted it, and it was basically a giant soft chocolate chip cookie scooped into a bowl and topped with vanilla ice cream and melted chocolate.

Obviously, I needed it.

I sent the boys to the store for more ice cream, chocolate chips, and melting chocolate, then sent them into the kitchen to bake this bitch. Because they are such excellent listeners, they made a single batch of cookie dough instead of a double batch. They got stuck with regular cookies, while Mama’s portion went into a mini loaf pan.

We followed the chocolate chip cookie recipe on the bag, pressed the dough into the loaf pan, and baked it for about 20 minutes. After letting it cool for approximately five minutes, we scooped all that warm cookie goodness into a bowl and added vanilla ice cream and more chocolate on top.

We used chocolate syrup from the coffee bar because we forgot to melt the other chocolate. Saved a bowl, right? I’m fairly certain I got diabetes while eating it, but I am 100% okay with my life choices.

The boys used their cookies to make ice cream sandwiches. Still delicious, but nowhere near as exciting as this cookie-bowl-whatever-the-fuck-it-is. Actually, I know what it is. Delicious.

Next time, I’ll use properly melted chocolate or hot fudge because the coffee syrup didn’t quite do it justice. Now I need to figure out how to share the recipe and take some decent pictures, which means I’ll have to make and eat another one.

I am willing to make that sacrifice. You’re welcome.

Let’s see how this week goes. I am expecting nothing.

More Questionable Meal Planning

Last Week's Meal Plan