Weekly Menu Update: August 23 - 29 - The Meal Plan Has Left the Chat

Weekly Update: The Meal Plan Has Left the Chat

It’s going swimmingly, and by “swimmingly,” I mean everything has already gone completely to shit.

Want to see the beautifully optimistic plan we started with? Read the original weekly dinner menu here before watching it unravel one meal at a time.

Sunday - Well, the Week Is Already Screwed

My loving teenager never took the chicken out of the freezer Saturday night and didn’t think to mention it until, ohhh... about 10 a.m. Sunday. I performed what can only be described as a rain dance over the kitchen sink in an attempt to make it defrost faster. It did not work. The chicken is now sitting in a bowl in the refrigerator, patiently waiting to be breaded.

Since I had already bought all the groceries for the week, I thought, Well, this fucking sucks. We’ll eat out tonight, and I’ll suck it up and cook on Thursday.

So, I ordered pizza, a calzone, and garlic knots. Then I went to pee because I’m in perimenopause and apparently need to pee every ten fucking minutes now. During that brief window of opportunity, the damn dogs ate the entire calzone and half the garlic knots.

At least everyone got one slice of pizza.

Naturally, that wasn’t enough food, so everyone had homemade Uncrustables before bed.

Meal Plan: 0. Dogs: 1.

Monday: The Quesadilla That Defeated a Teenager

Monday night, I decided we should make the white people tacos. Quick, easy, and perfect after a long Monday.

Absolutely fucking not.

First, I couldn’t find the cord for the electric skillet. The same electric skillet I had just raved about in the original post. Of course.

Then the little one had a complete shit fit because I wouldn’t let him play any more video games. Once we survived that fiasco and he accepted that no, he really couldn’t play any more video games, it was finally time to start dinner.

Since there is normally no satiating anyone in this house, I decided to make hefty quesadillas. These bitches were enormous. The burrito-size ones had what felt like half a pound of meat, a shit-ton of cheese, and absolutely no regard for reasonable portion sizes. I proudly served one to the teenager, and he told me it was too much food! Too much food!

When has there ever been too much damn food in this house? Please tell me, because apparently Monday was the night we finally discovered the limit. I made four quesadillas total: two regular-size ones with soft taco tortillas and two massive burrito-size ones loaded with meat and cheese. We ended the night with approximately one and a half left. I think. Like I’m going to remember.

Still, I’m counting this as a scientific breakthrough: apparently, it is possible to satiate a teenage boy. You just need a couple burrito-size tortillas, lots of cheese, and enough ground beef to feed a small village. Who knew?

Quesadillas: 1. Bottomless Teenagers: Finally Defeated.

The Rest of the Week?

I have absolutely no clue. I still haven’t cooked the chicken cutlets, which means I’ll have to make them Tuesday night. Then perhaps we can have the Chicken Caesar Wraps on Wednesday.

But making chicken cutlets on a weeknight is a lot of work. It’s also a lot of mess, and I still have no idea where the cord to my electric skillet is.

Tuesday: The Leftovers Were a Lie

It’s now Tuesday night.

There are no leftovers.

None.

The giant quesadillas that were supposedly “too much food” have vanished. The chicken cutlets still haven’t been cooked, and apparently, we’re going out for $2 tacos.

Because when white people tacos knock the entire meal plan off track, the only reasonable response is more tacos.

Stay tuned for the next update. If the rest of the week follows the current pattern, Wednesday will probably involve cereal, Thursday will become somebody else’s problem, and Friday’s official menu of “Food” is beginning to look downright optimistic.

Meal Plan: 0.

Tacos: 2.

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